Pokémon. You’ve probably heard of it. Maybe you have small children who are invested in this Pokémon fad. Originally created in Japan by Nintendo, the word translates directly into ‘Pocket Monsters’. It was the brainchild of Satoshi Tajiri in 1995, and has become a worldwide phenomenon. The original two games, labeled Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue, respectively, have spawned dozens of sequels, television shows, movies, toys, clothing, and everything that you could possibly attach a brand to. There’s a new ‘game’ coming out soon, and let me tell you, I’m angry.

To label this a ‘game’ is beyond irresponsible. It’s a virtual dog fighting pit, baby’s first cock fighting ring, a perverted analogy of the slave trades of past, and gives way to thoughts of Ubermensch . The ‘gameplay’ is straightforward. You play the game as a Pokémon ‘Trainer’. You are given a Pokémon pet at the beginning, labeled a ‘starter’ by hardcore fans. With this new pet, you take it out in the wild and force it to fight with other Pokémon. Battling with either Pokémon you find in the wilderness or the Pokémon of other aggressive ‘trainers’, your Pokémon becomes stronger and more powerful. Is it because they no longer feel pain due to their repeated injuries? Have they succumbed to their position as megabyte Mandingos, having lost their emotions and regard for fellow Pokémon? The Pokémon may gain levels, but in exchange they lose their soul.

Not only are you FORCED to pit Pokémon against Pokémon in a sick cage style fight, to further succeed you’re forced to breed the Pokémon against their will. Place a couple of compatible Pokémon in a daycare, and they’ll have no choice but to lay an egg. The idea of forced breeding is bad enough, but in order to create the ‘perfect’ set of Pokémon, you choose the Pokémon based on their genetic traits. Pokémon families, TORN apart in order to fill the twisted desires of the game creators to build a better set of adorable fighting creatures.

Do you know who ELSE was fascinated with creating the perfect race? Hilter. With the power of the third reich behind him, Hitler and his ilk were obsessed with creating the ideal human being, who was white, blond, and blue eyed. You remember Hitler, right? He was EVIL! Not only did he GAS people, but he also was a vegetarian, and he hated freedom. Maybe the progressive of this country has something to say about this? Maybe you know a vegan or vegetarian? Do they think Hitler was the greatest leader to grace our planet? Food for thought. But I KNOW we won’t be hearing from them, will we?

Is that what we’re teaching children with this Pokémon hate simulator? Are we programming our children to create a hexadecimal holocaust? What is the so called perfect Pokémon? Will it be an electric mouse type, with yellow fur? Will that be the standard for these so-called UberPokémon? Powerful questions, people.

You know what the worst part of this is? Our children, our most precious resource, can trade their Pokemon with their friends online. You know who else is online? PERVERTS. Lots of them. Statistics show that at least half of the interwebs is perverts. Do you want your children hanging out with these pixelated pornographic pedophiles? What sort of monster are you going to allow in your children’s pockets? Once again, the Liberals of this country are letting their depravity soak into the very fabric of our ONCE great nation.

I want to know what you’re up against, folks. I want to get the power BACK into your hands. Your children should be playing wholesome games, like Call of Duty, where you play as a noble soldier protecting the homeland against terrorists. As parents, we should be able to blissfully purchase electronic toys without having to do any research about them whatsoever. These nerds have some sort of rating system, controlled by the Electronic Software Rating Board. Right now, the rating for this so-called game is ‘Pending’. People, let’s change that. Let’s change the rating to ‘This filth should never see the light of day’.

If you feel the same as I do, then I want you to LIKE and SHARE this post. If you want to continue to support hard hitting facts like these, then go to our store and buy a t-shirt. I also want you to sign an online petition, so these gamer goons KNOW we mean business. Then we both can forget about this entirely, as there will be something else that we can be absolutely outraged about tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. If this seems ridiculous, what you’re feeling is exactly my emotions every time someone posts to the Rebel media. Yes, it can be that absurd.

p.s.s. Honestly, Facebook rants are starting to feel less like people’s opinions, and more like a two minute hate.

p.s.s.s. I actually don’t have any children.