Cereal Killer

Word on the street is people are not eating cereal anymore. The sales have been slowly declining since 2000, and cereal producers are scrambling to try and win back a bunch of finicky customers. The last time Mr. Charlton here got grab nasty on a bowl of cereal was so long ago that I can’t remember what it was. Cocoa Pebbles? Something with chocolate in it, I would imagine. Why aren’t people eating cereal the way they used to? I’ve got some theories.

  1. People are going with healthier choices. The content of a lot of cereals happens to be grains and sugar. Now, while I can get behind the grains aspect, a number of people have straight up tossed out anything with gluten in it, and other grains like corn and quinoa are either nutritionally devoid or expensive. Toss in the fact cereal is often coated in sugar, and you can see why someone trying to eat healthy is going to skip it. Personally, I’m kicking back on some tasty lentils or beans in the morning. Great way to start the day.
  2. It’s inconvenient. Yes, you heard me, cereal is kind of a pain in the ass, at least for the newer generations. I’ve read articles claiming millennials are lazy, and can’t be bother to deal with the ‘mess’ that cereal causes. Those articles are a bunch of malarkey. You know why cereal is hassle? Because it’s full of milk. If you’re on the go, and you need to take something with you, or you’re commuting to work and you’re in the car, cereal’s now a no-go. People today want smoothies or granola bars, food that you can eat out of one hand. You have to be sitting down at a table to eat cereal. And if I’m going to be sitting down, it’s going to be the lentils and beans I mentioned earlier, or a mess of bacon and eggs.
  3. People really aren’t supposed to be drinking a whole pile of milk. It’s not just cereal on the decline, but milk has taken a hit in the last decade as well. What was once a corner stone of the food pyramid, milk is considered less and less valuable by nutritionists. The much toted calcium that milk provides can be found in less fatty vegetables. Not to mention that naturally, human beings become generally lactose intolerant after growing into adulthood.
  4. Breakfast is a lousy meal. Out of all the meals of the day, breakfast is by far the worst. Lunch rules supreme by far, as I’ve mentioned in the past. They say it’s the most important meal of the day, but if an entire meal can be replaced by a shake or a granola bar, then how important is it really?

A number of cereal giants, like Kellogg’s and Post, have started branching out into other sectors, like shakes and whole grain cereals. There’s also some bizarre marketing ploys popping up, like cereal that’s supposed to improve your sex life. Which just goes to show you that they will use sex to sell anything.

It’s also worth noting even though cereal consumption is declining, a strange new trend has been popping up in the culinary world, and that’s restaurants dedicated to selling you bowls of cereal. I wish I were making this up. But all over The United States and Britain, cafes that deal primarily in bowls of sugary cereal are becoming popular. For the absolute life of me, I cannot fathom why anyone in their right state of mind would be willing to drop a bunch of money for someone to make you a bowl of cereal. It would boggle my brain that anyone would actually go to this place more than once, just so they could say they went. I’m honestly struggling with this right now.

“Well, we could do brunch at this new place, they make an amazing blue cheese and broccoli omelet.”

“Nah, I’ve got to take you to my favorite place. They’ve got killer cereal.”

“… Cereal?”

“Yeah man, their cereal selection is amazing. Honey Combs, Raisin Bran, Frosted Flakes. You name it, they have it.”

“… I might have to go take a rain check on that one, but if I’m ever interested in not eating adult food, I’ll take you up on it.”

Look, I’m not against cereal, my old man used to love his Raisin Bran. But I get why the popularity is waning, even if trendy cereal bars are opening up. Because if you’re going to sit down and enjoy something, take the extra five minutes and make a damn omelet.


The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Seriously, if you have the time, try my blue cheese and broccoli omelet. Perfect if you have some blue cheese on hand and have some leftover broccoli from the night before.

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