You know, I typically find Canadian Politics boring. A yawn. A snore. That’s a good thing though. Entertaining usually means stupid. Right now the leader for the republican party is a reality show host whose never once held a position in politics. Incredibly entertaining. Right now Canadian politics are following suit.

My expression when I found out what the deal was

Let me explain what happened. There was a vote on a bill. The bill was C-14, which is amending laws in order to allow physicians to perform assisted suicides. There were a bunch of NDP members of parliament, who were milling about, in order to delay the voting procedure. They were obstructing other members of parliament from voting. One of the MP’s trying to vote was Conservative Gord Brown. Prime MIninster Trudeau, who was getting frustrated, ran over to Gord, knocked into a bunch of people forcefully, and pulled him over to his desk. The NDP MP,  Ruth Ellen Brosseau, was elbowed in the chest by Trudeau, left the chamber immediately afterwards, and as a result didn’t vote.

Everything about this is embarrassing. The school yard tactics that the NDPs were using to block other members from placing a vote? Quite the show, but shameful. The Prime Minister of Canada barging through a group of people, yelling ‘Get the fuck out of the way’? Hilarious, but wildly inappropriate. Ruth Brosseau, pulling the flop like a soccer player? Makes for good television, I guess. Politicians are like the people who were popular in back in high school, if the cool kids in high school didn’t grow up to be adults that I actually respect and admire.

These are the people who lead the nation. They form the laws that govern us and protect the people who don’t have a voice. They’re in charge of the billions of tax dollars we provide, to spend it on making our country a better place to live for everyone. And they’ve turned the house of common into an elementary school playground. The thing is, these sort of tactics are used all the time. The ‘milling about, setting up a roadblock so other MPs can’t vote’ tactic? Apparently this is a legitimate play. Acting inappropriately outraged over something? Pretty common in the House of Commons. Spewing vitriol in every direction on social media? This is pretty new, but every politician has soaked it up.

Ask yourself this question. Would any of these behaviors, the blocking, the shoving, the elbow, and then the aftermath of insults, apologies, and rude behavior, would any of this be acceptable in your workplace? More than likely not, and repeated incidents would probably have you fired. Why are these things accepted in politics? Why does the House of Commons look like a crowd of soccer hooligans who are about to riot with clubs made of bills and legislature?

The fact the system we have in place for making decisions is over a century old is embarrassing. We live in a digital world now. There’s absolutely no reason we need a House of Commons and there’s no reason we need to stick a bunch of politicians with opposing views in the same building. Why not have a virtual House of Commons, a giant online messaging system so that politicians wouldn’t have to leave their ridings? It would be easier to regulate, and would cost the taxpayers a lot less. Sure, the discussions would be a pile of insults and barbed comments, but that’s the rest of the internet anyways. Throw them a party once a year so they can shake hands and talk face-to-face. Problem solved.

With the system we have in place, I’m surprised elbows aren’t happening on a regular basis. I’d go feral if someone’s strategy was to get in my way to prevent me from doing my job. I’d be raging, throwing Judo chops left and right. The way things are, we might as well throw them on a slab of ice, give of some gear and sticks, and then have them play over the bills they’re voting on. I’m not sure how effective it would be, but politics isn’t very effective anyways, and this would be way more entertaining.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Mr. Charlton really dislikes politicians as a whole. I cringe a little every time I vote.

p.s.s. There’s two soccer references in there, for ya.

p.s.s.s I can’t stand that journalists have been calling it ‘ElbowGate’. It seems throwing ‘Gate’ on the end of something signifies a scandal. Doesn’t make any sense.

In the first installment, we talked about how strong, smart and wealthy Batman is. In the second installment, we discussed how Batman is making Gotham city a worse place to live. To wrap it up, let’s talk about how crazy Batman is, and what drives him to continue being a masked vigilante.

There’s one famous Batman comic, titled ‘Arkham Asylum – A Serious House on Serious Earth’, where Batman is lured to Arkham Asylum. His arch nemesis, the Joker, has brought him there, to convince Batman that he belongs in the Asylum with rest of the psychotic criminal scourge. He’s right. Batman absolutely should be locked up in Arkham.

The death of Bruce Wayne’s parents scarred him for life, to such an extent Bruce never grew up. Even with all of his strength and his genius intellect, he’s decided to confront the problem the same way a child would. Watching his parents die in front of him terrified young Bruce Wayne so badly that he’s been emotionally stunted, locked in a promise he made to himself to “get stronger and make the bad guys go away.”

Genius doesn’t grant perspective, only time and self-reflection can do that. Between the dozen of university degrees he’s earned, the handful of languages he speaks, and the hundred or so martial arts he’s mastered, how much time has Batman had to reflect on his choices? His character is known to be stubborn, a loner, and difficult to work with.

Remember,  Batman grew up insanely wealthy, before his parents died. He lived a sheltered, privileged life. What if Thomas never had the opportunity to explain to young Bruce that the bad guys aren’t always on the streets? That there are also those who take advantage of other while wearing a suit? The truth is, all three Wayne’s died that night. Bruce died and became Batman.

Even though he’s an adult, he’s still emotionally a child. This can be seen from the fact that his partners, or his ‘wards’, are young children. His inability to connect with adults is apparent. His only known true friends, those who know his true identity, are limited to a handful. Even then, he chooses to keep his distance.

Then there’s the case of true identity. Other superheroes use a disguise and an alter ego to protect those they love from harm. Who exactly is Batman protecting? Himself. Remember, Bruce Wayne acts like the one percent the poor tend to despise. He does so to give a wide berth between himself and Bruce Wayne. What would happen if people found out that the crime fighting hero known as Batman was the rich asshole Bruce Wayne?

People would hate him. How many of the working poor have been sent to Arkham do to excessive force? How many families broken up? Why wasn’t Bruce Wayne creating more wealth in Gotham? That’s what he was doing with his fortune, playing dress-up as a superhero? Bringing more chaos and violence to Gotham city? There would be riots in the streets, Bruce Wayne would have the book thrown at him. His entire empire would crumble around him.

That’s what the citizens would do. His villains? They would have a field day! The Joker would put up posters all over Gotham of the crime scene. He’d have loudspeakers playing the last known recorded voice of his parents. And that’s just the Joker. Every single enemy Batman has ever made would be using this information against him. Batman has confronted every villain in Gotham, but has he ever faced the demon within himself? I’m pretty sure Batman would start beating his enemies to death while sobbing and screaming.

To top this all off, let’s look as his counter part, Iron Man. Batman was created by DC comics, and Iron Man by Marvel. They’re both rich, both industrialists, both crime fighting heroes. Batman lives in crime riddled Gotham, Iron Man lives in New York city, one of the greatest cities on the planet. Batman keeps the population poor in Gotham so that he can deliver justice, Iron Man is too busy fighting alien invasions and false gods to worry about street crime, he leaves that to the proper authorities. Batman keeps his identity a secret, while every knows that Iron Man is the famous mechanical genius Tony Stark. You know what demon Tony Stark had to face? Alcoholism. And he beat that by quitting the hooch.

Bruce Wayne should have seen a damn psychologist after the death of his parents. I’m guessing the only psychologists in Gotham are from Arkham Asylum, and I’m certain the sessions had the therapist screaming at Bruce that this was his fault while collecting his tears for some bizarre experiment. Batman is a lame super hero. I rest my case.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. I’m outta things to say about Batman. If you still think he’s the best superhero around, then I can’t help you.

p.s.s. The Batman video games still kick ass, though.

 

 

If you have not read the previous post, go read that now. It’s important. I wanted to solidify two points in the last argument; Batman is incredibly smart, and he’s incredibly rich. Why is that such an issue? Wouldn’t a wealthy genius with an armament of gadgets be the perfect vehicle for fighting crime?

What are the causes of crime?

We first need to examine why people turn to a life of crime in the first place. Statistically, criminals come from a lower socioeconomic background. The average person who takes up crime isn’t doing it because they want to be criminals, but rather they have to take these dangerous illegal positions. Think about it, how many people do you think actually want to work with the Joker? A psychopath who might kill you for kicks, that’s sounds like a great employment opportunity. Most thugs are taking these jobs out of desperation. And the ones who are actually crazy, unfortunately there’s only one psychiatric ward in Gotham, and we’ll get to that later.

Gotham city, we’re told again and again, is so crime ridden that Batman rarely sleeps. The police are so under funded and corrupt they’re seen as largely ineffective. Gotham is a symbol of what happens when the gap in wealth widens to staggering proportions. Thomas Wayne, Batman’s father, was turning the tide against this gap by investing in local jobs, public transit, health care and other progressive measures. Why didn’t Bruce Wayne take up this mantle of forward thinking? That list I produced in the last with the degrees Batman has? Here’s a better list of things Bruce Wayne should have studied.

• Urban Planning
• Political Science
• Sociology
• Psychology
• Anthropology
• Business Management
• Leadership
• Civil Engineering
• Law
• and a slew of other things

With his genius and his money, turning the city around should have been easy. He could have revolutionized Gotham city’s industry, turning it into the next Metropolis. Batman chose to fight crime on the ground as a super vigilante.  You might argue ‘But Bruce Wayne gives tons of money to charities’. You mean charities in Gotham? In a city where the police, the elected officials, the bankers, the doctors, and pretty much everyone is corrupt? I sure the people distributing money to the poor are squeaky clean.

The thing about Bruce Wayne is that he has to act like a rich jackass to keep his identity a secret. Bruce is portrayed as an alcoholic playboy, someone with more brains than money. He’s the stereotypical rich asshole everyone loves to hate. This is important, and I want you to remember this part. Bruce Wayne acts like the one percent poor people tend to despise.

Is Batman creating his own enemies?

The low level thugs he beats up, for justice? This is what that looks like. Here’s a clip from the video game, and it’s considered the definitive take on Batman’s fighting prowess.

Batman is braining thugs left and right. Remember, Batman is a guy who can easily bench a thousand pounds. How many concussions does Batman hand out on a regular basis? Batman has never killed a man, it’s against his code of ethics, but apparently giving a guy a brain injury isn’t out of the question. Let’s say a guy, out of work in Gotham, wife and kids at home, decides to sign up to a gang to make something, anything for his family. Some dude dressed in pajamas swoops down, cracks his skull, and now he’s developmentally disabled. Where are they sending him? Arkham Asylum.

Arkham Asylum – Making the sick, sicker

Arkham Asylum is a big part of the Batman lore. It’s the only institution in Gotham city that treats people with mental health issues, and it’s a notorious hell-hole. Not only does it house Batman’s roster of violent villains, it’s a decrepit nightmare of a building. Run down, underfunded, it’s infamous for having doctors more twisted than most of the patients. It’s also haunted. If you were a regular guy who ran into Batman going in, you’re coming out a certified crazy thug when you get out. Arkham is not a rehabilitation facility, let’s make that clear. Arkham Asylum is a Batman punching bag factory, where practice dummies are manufactured for Batman to assault later on.

And where did all these crazy, super powered villains come from? There weren’t any Killer Crocs, Poison Ivys, Banes or Jokers before Batman. Why are there so many now? Becoming Batman has had a butterfly effect on Gotham. He’s the greatest fighter on the planet, and has attracted villains from all over the world with a chip on their shoulder, looking to pick a fight. The reason Bane came to Gotham? To challenge Batman. And how did he get Batman’s attention? By letting out every single insane inmate from Arkham Asylum out of their cage and on to the streets. There was chaos, property damage and widespread murders. All so someone could take on the Batman. The Joker is the most iconic of the Batman villains. The only reason he causes destruction and mayhem is to force Batman to break his one rule and have Batman kill him. That’s it. There are Batman stories where the Bats dies, and the Joker winds up either leaving Gotham or becoming normal again, and actually feeling bad for the damage he’s done. It’s been stated numerous times in the comic books and the movies; the only reason the Joker exists is because Batman does. The scariest, most ruthless villain on planet Earth exists solely because there is a Batman.

Batman sucks

Batman is terrible because he’s self-perpetuating the problems he’s claiming to fix. He’s attracting monsters to Gotham who are looking for a fight. Due to the brutal methods of his form of justice, he’s created a legion of mentally ill, unstable men, who’s only chance of redemption and rehabilitation is an underfunded psychiatric ward. And where is Bruce Wayne, Batman’s alter ego, in all of this? Pretending to be drunk and carefree. Bruce could have gone into politics, or studied the social issues surrounding crime, or gone after white collar criminals as a genius lawyer, and is so smart could have easily done all three. Instead, he learns Krav Maga and starts kicking the shit out of poor people.

Do you think Thomas Wayne would be proud of his son? Thomas was a doctor and a man who aspired to help those who couldn’t help themselves. Would Martha Wayne be proud of her boy? She was dedicated to the charities she ran that made Gotham a better place. The Waynes are rolling in their graves. Their son is inadvertently keeping the city poor and destitute so he can fight crime with his fists, so he doesn’t have to grow up and realize that sometimes bad things happen to good people. Being Batman is a form of twisted therapy, to alleviate the guilt Bruce feels because he wasn’t able to save his parents as a child.

Batman is an asshole.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. In the third installment, I’ll be talking about what is mentally wrong with Batman.

p.s.s. And everyone knows it’s the villains that make Batman interesting.

 

I write up a post, and this is the first comment I see. Great. Now some pencil pushing clown is telling me Batman is good. I mentioned briefly in my last post that Batman is a lame character. And he is. He’s the very definition of lame: broken, fractured, useless. Gotham city would be better off without the Batman.

Batman is considered one of the greatest superheroes of all time. Starting out as a comic book character in 1939, he’s since become a franchise, with movies, video games, cartoons, toys, clothing lines, and novels. Often hailed as ‘The World’s Greatest Detective’, he’s a combination of Sherlock Holmes and Bruce Lee, a gifted criminal investigator at the top of peak physical condition. If I were to guess, I would say that Batman is the world’s favorite superhero. Unlike most heroes of today mythos, Batman possesses no special powers, except for an iron will, a genius level IQ, and billions of dollars at his disposal.

This is going to be a three part post. In the first post, I will demonstrate exactly who Batman is, what his capabilities are, and why he fights. In the second post, I will explain why the selection of choices he made as a young adult have warped his perception, and why he’s perpetuating and escalating the violence in Gotham city. Finally, I’ll evaluate Batman and try to accurately diagnose exactly what wrong with him.

Bruce Wayne, the alter ego of Batman, is the son of the rich industrialist Thomas Wayne. When he was a young boy, Bruce saw his father and mother, Martha Wayne, gunned down in front of him. Determined to make sure the tragedy would never happen to anyone else, he dedicated his life to fighting as the masked vigilante known as Batman.

Let’s talk how good Batman is at being Batman. He’s considered by Superman to be ‘The most dangerous person on Earth’ and by dangerous, he meant badass. First and foremost, he possess indomitable will. He’s an expert as interrogations, whether it’s methods used by law enforcement or straight up torture. He’s physically conditioned to a level bordering on superhuman, his benches over a thousand pounds, his reflexes are off the charts, he’s probably the finest human specimen on the planet. He’s a master at gymnastics and acrobatics.

He has mastered over a hundred styles of martial arts, including Muay Thai, Karate, Ninjitsu, Krav Maga, Judo, Boxing, Shaolin Kung-Fu, just to name a few. He’s not just familiar with them, he has mastered them. This bears repeating. He’s proficient with weapons as well, including swords and throwing stars. In the comic book world, he’s one  of the best hand-to-hand combatants in the universe.

Did I mention he’s smart? Insanely smart. With an IQ of 192, he’s a genius. Here’s a list of the subjects he has university degrees in:

• Criminal Science
• Forensics
• Computer Science
• Chemistry
• Engineering
• Biology
• Physics
• Technology

He’s also studied mathematics, mythology, geography, history, diverse environmental training, security systems and even magic. He’s can also speak a dozen languages. To top that all off, he’s a brilliant strategist, is an escape artist, a crack pilot, better at driver vehicles than professional race car drivers, a knowledgeable tracker and a master of disguise.

Batman accomplished all of this and more before he was thirty, and was already fighting crime during much of this. Batman is a bona fide badass.

You think Batman is cool? You should see the lineup of villains he’s regularly putting away at Arkham Asylum. There’s the Killer Croc, a ten foot alligator-man who’s more brawn than brain. Poison Ivy, a femme fatale who can control plant life. The Riddler, a criminal mastermind who loves puzzles. The Penguin, an old school mob boss with a love of umbrellas. Two-Face, who was a district attorney in Gotham before an accident scared him and awoke a split personality disorder. Bane, a juiced up warrior, known as the man who ‘Broke the Bat’. And lastly, his most famous foe, the Joker. A psychotic clown who is known to have murdered thousands of people, he’s the Yin to Batman’s Yang. Where Batman represents order, the Joker represents chaos.

Batman wages war on these villains and the general scourge of crime plaguing Gotham city. He’s relentless, as he made a promise to his parents, all those years ago as a child, to right wrongs and fight injustice as he saw fit. Batman will hang up the cowl when he believes Gotham is safe.

Batman is a cool character, don’t get me wrong. As a superhero though, he fails on many levels. The next post is going to talk about how he’s made Gotham a worse place to live, ten-fold. This post set up all the pins, the next one is going to knock ’em down.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. There’s just two things I want you to take away from this. Batman is insanely smart, and Batman is insanely rich. We’ll discuss why that’s a problem tomorrow.

 

If you’re one of the people I know on Facebook, or you follow me on Twitter, or you know me and I’ve pointed you in the direction of this web page, or somehow stumbled onto this site by some sort of weird coincidence, then welcome. This is my webzone, and I’m glad you are reading my garbage. The purpose of this small rented space on the internet is to improve my writing.

I ran another blog for a while, http://illustriousmrcharlton.blogspot.ca/, for a number of years. Posts were sporadic. In the three and a half years writing at blogspot, I totalled twenty eight posts. I have been writing on this website for two weeks now, and I have fourteen posts. By the end of the month, I will be matching the number of posts I did in thirty months. I will then proceed to pat myself on the back.

Writing is easy. You don’t believe me? Painting is also easy, and I’ll prove it.

Unmitigated Genius.

Painting well, on the other hand, takes practice. And the same goes with writing. I’ve been working at becoming a better writer, because I love to write. It’s something that I’ve always been doing in the background.

The quality of these posts might not always be up to snuff. I’m going to post at weird times. I’m trying to figure out how to link this blog to the big social media outlets, so I don’t have to copy and paste a link every time I set something up. I need a logo, a better site layout, and maybe some business cards, so I can give them to people. Once they have my business card, they’ll have no choice but to put them with the other business cards sitting in the miscellaneous drawer of their kitchen. Or they can use my card to pick their teeth with, if the restaurant they ate at ran out of tooth picks.

The goal is to put up a decent post, everyday, for 365 days. Decent doesn’t mean Pulitzer prize winner. It means that I’ll have put something up that has words on it, that you can read with your face eyes. Hopefully, with time and practice, I’ll get better at putting words onto the internet.

It’s not just practice I’m looking for, I’m looking for a distinct voice. The internet is this blaring cacophony of millions of ideas, opinions, discussions, and trash talk. I don’t want the voice of the Illustrious Mr. Charlton to be someone else’s, with a twist of my own. I want it to be one hundred percent, unequivocally  Mr. Charlton. That’s going to take time too.

I’m returning to my roots though. When I started writing on the old blog, it soon turned into my voice countering a bunch of bullshit people were falling for. If there is one gift I have, it’s that there’s the heart of a brutal, cold, robot that lies in my warm fleshy body, a heart whose heart strings are electrified steel razor wire.

So when there’s an article claiming that Cancer has been cured, you can be sure I’ll knock it down when I find out they’ve only killed the Cancer cells it by setting fire to the petri dish. When you post a link to that promises to list the 2o greatest Batman villains of all time, I’ll be sure to write a post about how Batman is a lame super hero. And when you post a TED talk which claims it will change the world, I’ll swoop in to remind people the TED talks are a bit cultish, and years of research and study are impossible to cram into a twenty minute Youtube video.

The internet makes it easier to spread knowledge, wisdom, ideas, and information. It also makes it easier to spread bullshit, snake oil, misinformation, and stupidity. There is an enormous amount of stupidity out there. It’s a vast field of stupidity, just waiting to be harvested. There are rich veins of raw stupid to be mined and processed. Years ago, I worried about running out of material to write about. I can assure you, there’s so many hucksters, confidence men, and charlatans out there, that there’s no way I’ll ever run out of things to shake my head at.

You may not always agree with what I have to say. Good. Feel free to call out my stupidity. A blog without comments is as boring as saltines. And moving forward, I’m working on the comedy angle. With Trump as the republican nominee, the western half of
Canada burning to the ground, and robots coming to take our jobs, we better start laughing. ‘Cause if we’re not laughing, we’ll be crying.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Just because science journalism is awful, doesn’t mean we should stop kicking Cancer’s ass. But it seems every other week some one who failed high school biology is claiming the cure for Cancer happened yesterday.

“Mr. Charlton, there’s a problem in some of Canada’s major cities. There isn’t  affordable housing in Vancouver. The average price of a home is over a million dollars. Something needs to be done about these outrageous house prices.”

I read you loud and clear, internet. Well, it’s still expensive as heck, but you could always look into some of the surrounding areas, like Surrey or even Abbotsford. It’d be a long commute but…

“Nope. I want to live in Vancouver.”

Okay. Again, I’m laying out what you’re putting down. Now, it’s still pricey, but you could always start with a small apartment. You’d be living right downtown and…

“I want a house. A detached house.”

…. in Vancouver?

“Yeah. Like my parent bought when I was a kid.”

You’re from Vancouver, then?

“Nah, my parents raised me in (name of small logging/farming community in the middle of nowhere)”

And you want to buy a detached home. In the one of the most desirable cities on Earth. At a low price. You do realize that you buying a house in Vancouver is akin to your parents trying to buy a house in London or New York twenty five years ago, right? Your parents moved to the middle of nowhere.

“Hey! (small logging/farming community in the middle of nowhere) is a great place!”

I’m sure it is but…

“They filmed a commercial there once.”

Alright, all that aside, my friend here is right. The prices of homes in Vancouver are astronomical. There a lot of talk of taxing foreign investors to try and cool down the market. And that isn’t going to work. It’ll put more money into the government’s pockets, but it won’t bring prices down.

Most of the foreign investors are from China. China has a lot of people. One sixth of the world’s population. Their two largest cities, Shanghai and Beijing, have so many people that they rival our nation’s population. Two megalopolises have twice the number of citizen than our entire country. China has been doing well in the last couple of decades. The number of middle class in China has exploded, as well as the number of millionaires. When these Chinese foreign investors counter a bid on a house, they don’t go up by a few hundred dollars. They counter with offers of fifty thousand more. Exactly what kind of tax are your proposing that will scare this money away?

Even if levies and taxes were a solution, the branches of all three governments are terrified to stop foreign investments into real estate. That’s the only thing keeping our economy afloat at the moment. We spent years using oil, gas and real estate to prop up our economy. Oil and gas took a massive hit, and manufacturing hasn’t rebounded as quickly as people would like. If we didn’t have foreign investors buying up property the way they have been, construction would grind to a halt and it would jeopardize an already fragile economy.

Vancouver is an amazing place, I know. It’s the center of Canada’s film industry, the location of a number of startups and tech firms. It’s got a massive harbour. It’s beautiful and it rarely snows. Vancouver is a great city if you’re willing to be a starving artist or if you already have a ton of money. It’s not the place to settle down with a starter home and begin to raise a family. If your dream is to own a small house and have children, you should consider moving. The hard truth is you may think you have a great job there, but if where you’re employed can’t pay you a wage where you can afford to buy a place relatively close by, then it’s not that good of a job. And having a lousy job is fine if you’re working towards another goal, like becoming an actor or going to school or starting a business on the side. If your goal is to raise a family, then you have to consider moving to a place that’s more in your price range. A lot of people seem to want to cling on the notion they have to stay in the greater Vancouver area.

The last generation didn’t move to the middle of nowhere because of the scenery, or the selection of nice restaurants. They moved there because there were jobs and there was affordable housing. They lived and worked there for years so they could retire one day in their dream location, whether that was in Victoria, Vancouver, or heck, even Lethbridge.

You might say that if everyone left Vancouver to the foreign investors, it would become a ghost town. And that might be true. The thing that makes a city great is it’s people. But you can’t expect to live in one of the greatest cities on Earth and not expect to pay top dollar for it.

Vancouver is great. I’ll be the first to say it. But Calgary’s is the sunniest city in Canada, Edmonton is beautiful in the summer, Regina has some amazing golf courses, Winnipeg is home to one of the best blues festivals in the world. I’ve heard great things about Ottawa, Montreal is amazing, and the average price of a house in Fredericton is roughly $150,000. That’s not to mention the smaller cities, towns, and municipalities.

I’m not suggesting you move, if you really love it there. But if you want to make the choice between owning a house or living in an apartment in a place like New York, it comes down to a lifestyle choice. Do you want to live in the city, or move out to the country? For a while there, people thought they could have both. My parents couldn’t have both, and I probably can’t either. That’s okay by me. I’ll take the city any day.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Just remember, home is a time, not a place.

p.s.s. Calgary has been unfortunately having a massive amount of downtown space for rent now, with oil and gas taking a nose dive. Wouldn’t be a bad location for tech startups, though. And it’s only an hour drive from the mountains. Just planting seeds, people.

 

Pokémon. You’ve probably heard of it. Maybe you have small children who are invested in this Pokémon fad. Originally created in Japan by Nintendo, the word translates directly into ‘Pocket Monsters’. It was the brainchild of Satoshi Tajiri in 1995, and has become a worldwide phenomenon. The original two games, labeled Pokémon Red and Pokémon Blue, respectively, have spawned dozens of sequels, television shows, movies, toys, clothing, and everything that you could possibly attach a brand to. There’s a new ‘game’ coming out soon, and let me tell you, I’m angry.

To label this a ‘game’ is beyond irresponsible. It’s a virtual dog fighting pit, baby’s first cock fighting ring, a perverted analogy of the slave trades of past, and gives way to thoughts of Ubermensch . The ‘gameplay’ is straightforward. You play the game as a Pokémon ‘Trainer’. You are given a Pokémon pet at the beginning, labeled a ‘starter’ by hardcore fans. With this new pet, you take it out in the wild and force it to fight with other Pokémon. Battling with either Pokémon you find in the wilderness or the Pokémon of other aggressive ‘trainers’, your Pokémon becomes stronger and more powerful. Is it because they no longer feel pain due to their repeated injuries? Have they succumbed to their position as megabyte Mandingos, having lost their emotions and regard for fellow Pokémon? The Pokémon may gain levels, but in exchange they lose their soul.

Not only are you FORCED to pit Pokémon against Pokémon in a sick cage style fight, to further succeed you’re forced to breed the Pokémon against their will. Place a couple of compatible Pokémon in a daycare, and they’ll have no choice but to lay an egg. The idea of forced breeding is bad enough, but in order to create the ‘perfect’ set of Pokémon, you choose the Pokémon based on their genetic traits. Pokémon families, TORN apart in order to fill the twisted desires of the game creators to build a better set of adorable fighting creatures.

Do you know who ELSE was fascinated with creating the perfect race? Hilter. With the power of the third reich behind him, Hitler and his ilk were obsessed with creating the ideal human being, who was white, blond, and blue eyed. You remember Hitler, right? He was EVIL! Not only did he GAS people, but he also was a vegetarian, and he hated freedom. Maybe the progressive of this country has something to say about this? Maybe you know a vegan or vegetarian? Do they think Hitler was the greatest leader to grace our planet? Food for thought. But I KNOW we won’t be hearing from them, will we?

Is that what we’re teaching children with this Pokémon hate simulator? Are we programming our children to create a hexadecimal holocaust? What is the so called perfect Pokémon? Will it be an electric mouse type, with yellow fur? Will that be the standard for these so-called UberPokémon? Powerful questions, people.

You know what the worst part of this is? Our children, our most precious resource, can trade their Pokemon with their friends online. You know who else is online? PERVERTS. Lots of them. Statistics show that at least half of the interwebs is perverts. Do you want your children hanging out with these pixelated pornographic pedophiles? What sort of monster are you going to allow in your children’s pockets? Once again, the Liberals of this country are letting their depravity soak into the very fabric of our ONCE great nation.

I want to know what you’re up against, folks. I want to get the power BACK into your hands. Your children should be playing wholesome games, like Call of Duty, where you play as a noble soldier protecting the homeland against terrorists. As parents, we should be able to blissfully purchase electronic toys without having to do any research about them whatsoever. These nerds have some sort of rating system, controlled by the Electronic Software Rating Board. Right now, the rating for this so-called game is ‘Pending’. People, let’s change that. Let’s change the rating to ‘This filth should never see the light of day’.

If you feel the same as I do, then I want you to LIKE and SHARE this post. If you want to continue to support hard hitting facts like these, then go to our store and buy a t-shirt. I also want you to sign an online petition, so these gamer goons KNOW we mean business. Then we both can forget about this entirely, as there will be something else that we can be absolutely outraged about tomorrow. I can’t wait.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. If this seems ridiculous, what you’re feeling is exactly my emotions every time someone posts to the Rebel media. Yes, it can be that absurd.

p.s.s. Honestly, Facebook rants are starting to feel less like people’s opinions, and more like a two minute hate.

p.s.s.s. I actually don’t have any children.

My folks used to watch the news every night without fail. It was the news out of Vancouver, hosted by Tony Parsons and Gloria Macarenko. My parents watching the news was such a huge part of my life that I didn’t have to even look up those names, they’ve been burned into a large chunk of my synapses. I hated the news as a kid because, well, it was boring.

The news wasn’t electrifying, exciting or enticing growing up. It was the facts, what was going on in the city, the province, the nation, and the world. There was no opinion, no scary or moving music, no shouting. The job of the news was to inform, not to entertain.

There was also shows with a more editorial perspective, like W5. It was informative, but it was also slanted. It had music to give a certain mood, and presented not only the facts, but the emotions that you should be feeling along with the information. With stories like “Are you getting ripped off at the mechanics” and “How much salt is really in your food”, they were shooting for specific emotions. Anger, disgust, outrage.

There wasn’t any voices raised during the news. But during the editorials there certainly were. Mostly my father calling out the bullshit. If there’s one thing I remember vividly about my father, it’s that he didn’t like being told how to feel about something. Both my parents usually would scoff at the editorial style investigative journalism.

Fast forward to today. Nobody I know watches the news anymore. Everybody seems to get their news online. This allows people to gather news from a much wider variety of news sources than my parents ever had. We are overwhelmed with an overload of news information. The issue is, is that no one is capable of reading all the news that would come across a daily feed, whether you get that news from CBC, Al-Jazeera, Facebook, Fox, CNBC, CNN; it doesn’t matter the source, there’s too much of it. There’s also more channels available, and I’m not just talking television stations. There’s Vice for more alternative news, BBC for news from Britain, Huffington Post, for more pop culturish news. There’s a news outlet for everyone.

In the world of news tailored to your tastes, there’s a larger portion of people who have the news built to fit their lifestyles, their tastes, and their opinions. I’m certainly no different. I find myself browsing Reddit, CBC, Al-Jazeera, Vice, and NPR. I avoid places that don’t suit my lifestyle or my tastes. I also tend not to peruse news that it clickbait in style and manufactures outrage. Articles from sites like the Daily Mail and The Rebel Media turn me off.

The daily mail is basically a tabloid, but I find the Rebel to be a little more insidious, as it used language to incite people to get riled up. It also distorts facts, states opinions rather than facts, and basically makes a mockery of journalism. Here’s the front page of the Rebel. I took a snapshot.

Look under the ‘Need to Know’ articles. The first one is titled “For progressives, ‘zero tolerance’ only applies to straight-A students, not murderers, pedophiles”. When you click on the article, you find out a 16 year old was suspended from school for having a 4 inch pocket knife. Honestly, I can agree it was an extreme method of punishing a student. The article then goes on to explain that the supreme court considers mandatory minimum sentences for drug offenders unconstitutional.

Whoa whoa whoa. How on earth did we go from a student getting expelled from his school by his school board, to the supreme courts decision to to repeal mandatory minimum sentences? Was the student forced to face trial against the supreme court of Canada? Wasn’t the decision to suspend the student coming from the school? How does the two articles tie into each other? The headline itself is meant to cause outrage. Murderers? Pedophiles? I DON’T agree with THOSE things! Is this HONOR student made to walk in shame and have a trip to PARIS cancelled? While MURDERERS and PEDOPHILES continue to prey on HARD WORKING Canadians?

The two item have absolutely nothing in common. On one hand, you have some over zealous educators go overboard when disciplining a student. On the other hand, you have a policy regarding drug laws that has been proven to have failed during the course of the trillion dollar drug war. They aren’t in the same ball park. They’re not even in the same league. They’re not even playing the same goddamn sport. Everything about that article is cringe worthy. It’s not an article, it’s the drunken ramblings of that guy who’s had too much to drink at the bar, who then proceeds to tell you that jet fuel can’t melt steel beams.

The problem with having our news filtered is that we become blind to the other sources around it. Especially those sources that offer opinions differing from our own views. And that’s dangerous. As much as it pains me, I’m going to be reading the Rebel a lot more often from now on. For a cynic who writes about people spouting bullshit, that place is a goddamn goldmine.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Notice how THEY use a bunch of all-caps in HALF of their headlines? I don’t know about YOU, but I’m certainly not MANIPULATED.

 

Earth is a funny place. You think you understand it at first, then it throws you a curveball and everything gets all topsy turvy. In this case, the meaning is literal. The Earth is due for a geomagnetic reversal, a phenomenon where the magnetic poles shift and change position. The North pole becomes the South pole and vice versa. This happens naturally every 100,000 to a million years, and the last known event was 780, 000 years ago.

Scientists aren’t exactly sure what causes this phenomenon, and if it does happen soon it will be the first time we’ll be able to monitor it with scientific equipment. From the best of my understanding, the solid iron core of planet Earth shifts, causing the poles to change. This change can be as quick as a hundred years, and can take as long as a thousand.

When you have such a massive change to something as important as the locations of the poles, there’s bound to be some sort of alarm. You’re certain to find notions of apocalypse and cataclysm bubbling from the internet. The source of this panic shocked me a bit. The crazy isn’t coming from where you think it would.

First off, there isn’t anything to be worried about from the standpoint of the planet. There have been no mass extinctions that coincide with the geomagnetic reversals of the past. There have been no more earthquakes that what the planet normally goes through. Many animals and insects use the planet’s magnetism to migrate. I’m certain that they will quickly adapt to deal with any changes.

Even our own ecosystem will be largely unaffected. Most navigation now relies on satellites, as opposed to the compasses of yesteryear. There’s speculation it may have consequences on the power grid, but it’s only still speculation. Some people have become concerned that the shift would cause more solar radiation to come through our atmosphere, driving the skin cancer rates through the roof. Even though the magnetic field can fluctuate, there has never been any scientific evidence that points to it disappearing completely.

To be frank, this is an area outside of my limited expertise. What I do know is that most of the scare from geomagnetic reversal was from the 2012 doomsday prophecy, when the Mayan calendar ended. Many people thought some apocalyptic or cataclysmic event would occur in the year 2012. Nothing of the sort ever did happen, unless of course you voted against Obama in the 2012 presidential election.

I knew a number of people that took the 2012 prophecy seriously. When I pry them about it now, they have a hard time remembering it was even a concern. The strange thing is, when I started doing research, to see if there was any concern regarding the polar switch., there was. There were still articles being written, less than a year old, like this one.

These kind of publications seem to be the source of any kind of calamity claxon that has been sounding regarding the polar switch-a -roo. The shift in geomagnetic poles isn’t a particularly devastating  event that could occur. It will be incredibly interesting in regards to science, as we will be able to study the phenomena for the first time. Gossip wise, though, without the doom and gloom future laid out for us by poorly put together ideas, there isn’t anything most people would be interested, except that we might all have to buy new compasses.

What fascinated me most of all wasn’t the switch of the poles, but rather how desperately some publications were trying to push the story. My questions from this foray into geomagnetic pole reversal has nothing to do with the topic. Rather, the question is, what happened to investigative journalism? What happened to facts? News has changed so dramatically, not only with the now constant twenty-four hour news cycle, but also how the news has changed from the reporting of incidents to the entertainment of the populous.

Unless you’re either a geologist, or a scientist with an interest in the magnetic poles, there isn’t anything in the story to make you feel an emotion. Throw in the possibility of us all dying in a cancerous inferno, well, now you’ve made people feel something. You’re making them feel fear, dread, and despair. At least you’re making them feel something though. And that sells papers.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. I’m telling this story so I can tell you another one.

p.s.s. I get terribly sad when someone send me an article and the headline starts with ‘Top Twelve Reasons…’

p.s.s.s. The kind of sad where I just drink a bottle of wine and stare at a blank wall for an hour or so. That sort of sad.

The Health Minister of Ontario, Eric Hoskins, is trying to put through a bill regarding parents who refuse to vaccinate their children. If the parents of a child refuse to to have their child vaccinated, for religious or personal reasons, then they would be forced to take a course on vaccinations and herd immunity. Although the bill would allow people the choice of vaccinating their children, it would at least try and educate them on why their insistence to go against proven science is a mistake.

What is a vaccine, exactly? A measles vaccination shot is a small amount of the measles virus that is innocuous. The body uses these innocuous virus cells like target practice, so if they encounter the actual virus out in the wild, they are primed for it and are much more able to stave the virus off. There are other methods of vaccination, but this is the most common. Vaccinating people against viruses is the reason Polio, Small Pox and other deadly diseases don’t represent a problem for the population any longer.

Except some of them are making a comeback. A child died from measles in Berlin in 2015. There have been outbreaks of the Whooping cough in Michigan and Alberta. Diseases once thought eradicated are popping up in the Western world, and it’s due to parent refusing to have their children vaccinated. Why are some of these parents so inclined not to vaccinate their children?

There was a study published back in 1998, headed by a Dr. Andrew Wakefield, that linked vaccinations to autism. His study has since been retracted and he’s been stripped of his license to practice medicine. Unfortunately, the paper was latched onto by a number of celebrities, most notably Jenny McCarthy, who’s son has autism. For years, she was the guest on a number of talk shows and she was determined to get parents of young children to stop vaccinating their kids. And it worked. Since then, there have been a large number of people who are incredibly wary of vaccinations.

Now, before the finger pointing begins and we condemn Jenny to oblivion for going against medical science, she unfortunately has the right to be wary of vaccines. Not because they don’t work, mind you, but rather because of the source of the vaccines, which is the pharmaceutical industry in the United States. Unlike most other developed countries, and even with ObamaCare, the US is still a nation where health care is a personal expense. Doctors are told to regard their patients as clients. If you watch American television, you’ll be surprised to see how many of the commercials are pushing pharmaceutical medication, with the tagline “Ask your doctor about…”

There’s also the cult of celebrity culture. There is a lot of people who are taking the word of famous celebrities over trained professionals. We ask rock stars their opinions about politics, as if they were political scientists. We ask movie stars what they think of international affairs. And models are now the experts brought onto talk shows to talk about immunization.

The third piece of the puzzle is the growing movement to live healthier lifestyles. This is great, but what started off as a return to making your own dinner and drinking more water became ground zero for the war against the imaginary foe ‘Toxins’. This movement is against any kind of chemicals that happen to be in your food and water, not realizing that your food and water are made up of chemicals. Now there’s a variety of solutions on the market, all claiming to pull the nasty toxins from your body, but never specifying what those toxins happen to be. Even though it’s straight pseudo-science with little or no proof to back it up, it comes from a source other than the profiteering medical industry of the United States, and because of that some people are choosing to trust it.

We now have three elements preventing health science from succeeding; A for-profit  industry that makes people uneasy, a simple solution that can be administered at home, and good looking, charismatic people to sell the solution to you. If you ever wondered how you could sell the anti-vaccination idea to people, there’s the answer. In the age of Do-It-Yourself, everyone with an internet connection can become an expert.

The bill to get parents to courses talking about the benefits of vaccination is a great idea, and I hope the bill passes. No parent should be forced to have anything pushed upon their children, whether I agree with it or not. But they should be forced to educate themselves properly. Not from someone who makes their living looking good, but rather with the proper background. A background in education and in science.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. Yes, there is some silver in many of the vaccines. It’s totally safe, as long as your child isn’t a werewolf.