Running Windows 8, are you? Great, great, could you go ahead and install Windows 10? It’s free! All you have to do is click this button and BAM, Windows 10 will start downloading and installing itself onto your machine. Soon you’ll be connecting to the world on one of the most useful operating system ever devised, from your friends here at Microsoft.

Wait, hold on a sec, you clicked the other button, the one that said “Hey, I don’t want a great new product absolutely free”. Gotcha, you must have totally made some sort of mistake there, because there is NO WAY a rational, smart, educated, and good looking person such as yourself would even think about passing up the opportunity to upgrade to our latest piece of software, especially a free upgrade. So I’m going to throw up the message once again, make sure to push the right button this time.

Huh. You did it again. I wonder if there is something wrong with your mouse. Could also be a Windows 8 thing! It wasn’t a very good product. I mean, it wasn’t a very good product compared to Windows 10. Did I mention that Windows 10 is free? Well, considering you’re going to your… uhg… Chrome internet browser, it looks like your mouse is working just fine. Wow, you have a lot of toolbars. It’s like you’ll click on anything. Except for our product. Let me see if I can convince you that Windows 10 is a better fit for you.

Windows 10 is faster than Windows 8. And everyone wants more speed! You didn’t have enough RAM before? Well, Windows 10 uses less of it. All that RAM is just free for the taking. By you! You can use that RAM. To run other programs faster and better. Shucks, you can even run more programs now with all that free RAM. I should mention again that Windows 10 is free. And it comes pre-loaded with a bunch of new features.

It now has Cortana! You though Siri was cool, well, just you wait until you try out Cortana. She was Master Chief’s friend in the Halo series. You remember Halo, right? Awards winning video game series published by Microsoft for the Xboxes? You played it, right? No? Oh, okay, so then I guess having the protagonist’s sexy AI sidekick  isn’t really a selling point. But still, cool, right? You can talk to your computer like they do in Star Trek. Who doesn’t like Star Trek?

… You don’t like Star Trek? Really? So, you haven’t played Halo, not a Star Trek fan. Alright, alright, I’m beginning to see a pattern here. I’m just going to go ahead and ask you, what are you using your computer for anyways? Hmm… .okay…. hmmm… you’re using it for Facebook and Youtube videos, huh? That’s it. Okay, well, what if I told you that Facebook, Messenger and Instagram are creating new and improved apps for Windows 10, and that…

Wow, you just clicked the button. That’s all it took, huh? You couldn’t have possibly read the licensing terms and agreement that fast. I’m excited to see that you trust our products, but you should really at least skim them. Hey, we’re just glad you’re on board. I also see that you’ve clicked on the ‘Import Old Programs’ button. Sure thing, let me just take a look, yep, everything seems normal… What’s sexygirlsdancing.exe? Why did you install this? You don’t remember, huh? Let’s see what else we have buried here… oh gosh. Oh my.

• freelamegame.exe
• facebooklaughs.exe
• usesocsecnumaspass.exe
• 101jokesoftheday.exe
• thebesttrojanhorse.exe

Do you have any idea what you’ve done? You’ve basically given your computer AIDS. You clicked, you clicked on everything. I can’t… I can’t bring all this over. Please don’t make me bring this over.

*** System Re-booting***

 Review by %$#Will-Gats-420#$%

Windoz ten sux teh big 1. Wat a waste of tim. i uses to luv microsov, but know they R teh lamest! Now my sweet rig wont paly any of my gamez. Cortana is sooooo coo, tho, only cool thing about this whole lameass windoz 10.

Sincerely,

The Illustrious Mr. Charlton

p.s. I recently updated to Windows 10. It’s actually not a bad operating system. Keep in mind though, I didn’t bring anything over, I did an install from scratch.

p.s.s. You have no idea how hard it is to write like an idiot on the internet. I mean, I’ve struggled with writing before, I think everyone has struggled in the past with putting words down, but sweet peaches.

p.s.s.s. I now have a lot more respect for professional trolls who act like morons on the internet. There’s actually an art to spelling that badly.